Monday, 21 September 2009

"I don’t know who the **** Shaun Beeb is"

After being anally violated by both my own bad play and the IPoker rng over the last six weeks, I ran absolutely nauseatingly good HU this weekend. I was up around $500 yesterday and $700 or so in total for the weekend, they must have read the instant message I sent to Wayne where I launched my toys out of the pram and said I was done playing on Chilli due to how bad I ran on there. Long may it continue. I have another lesson with Aero tomorrow, which I’m looking forward to.

Donkamenting last week started how it ended. Start:
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showpost.php?p=13217854&postcount=191

End: Deep in the 20r on FTP my internet connection goes missing in action. I find out I came 16th. GG me.

West Ham good rolled by Liverpool on Saturday. I thought we did ok but they had a world-class forward and it showed. Zavon Hines did well and caused their defenders all sorts of problems. I’m not convinced by the new Italian fella – he looks about as fit as I am but delivers a good dead ball. F London Underground/The FA, who decided to shut all the tube lines and play the game anyway, which meant I didn’t get to go and had to listen to Chris Waddle talk utter bollocks on ESPN, the thick Geordie cunt.

Otherwise the Mancs beat City in the derby in the sixth week of injury time. I was sickened to see Ferg sharing a joke with Alan Wiley (4th official) afterwards, particularly after Wiley disallowing our goal up at Wigan due to him deciding it was the end of the first half. Wiley – you are a disgusting piece of shit, wankers like you and Graham Poll explain why everyone hates referees, laughing it up with Ferguson like you are great mates when he thinks you are a turd and will only entertain you in conversation because your mate on the pitch can’t read a watch. You were probably beaten up at school and I hope the chef is a City fan and wanks into your Chinese the next time you order a take-away, you cunt. Howard Webb also failed to award the most blatant penalty to Spurs against Chelsea which cost them a chance to equalise. Still, there’s no sympathy where they are concerned, hopefully Redknapp twitched another five years off his miserable lifespan when that happened.

The WCOOP main event day 1 ended today. When I look through the thread for the event on 2+2, I realise just how gross donkaments are. I have no idea how these guys play these things for those stakes (backers, I guess). But when I see guys like this, it reminds me of what great value tournament poker can be:

16 pages, but great entertainment

Oh, and I’m 34 this week. How did I get this old?

Monday, 14 September 2009

Par For The Course

I’ve been lazy of late in terms of updating the blog. I’ve thought about doing so, then have decided against it as I have had little to say of any interest.

I’ve done no donkamenting to speak of recently, but have played 5.5k hands of HU. I am down, although my AIEV is modestly positive. I’ll play well for a long period, then do something retarded and titly and hand over a load of hard earned winnings. Being 7 BI below AIEV for the month hasn’t helped, although I feel a lot happier with my game than I have in a while.

Wayne (Wonderflop) continues to do a lot of lucksacking recently at $100NL, which is good news. In all seriousness it looks like hard work is paying off, hopefully the trend will continue.

Otherwise I have got quite frustrated with wedding planning. Everything that comes up seems to lead to me getting pissed off with her indoors, and at a guess she gets pissed off with me as well. She has proposed a half-hourly meeting each week to discuss wedding plans and ensure things get done, which is seriously fucking annoying as was kind of planning on breezing through the forthcoming months and not getting too involved.

West Ham lost 1-0 at Wigan this weekend, after having this goal ruled out for the end of the first half (when the ball strikes Cole’s head is when the ref blows up). We were otherwise pretty poor as far as I can gather, although the new Italian fella hit the post with a cracking effort.

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/3408374/

Stuff like this happens all the time, but it is absolutely no surprise to me to see Wiley make an enormous fuck up when he can simply blow up as the free-kick is taken. Is he going to blow up if Rooney rounds the keeper at Old Trafford and is about to roll the ball into an empty net? Of course not. I’ve never forgiven the cunt for the spineless display of refereeing he produced when Arsenal came to our place a couple of years ago and he basically handed the whistle to Fabregas and Flamini and let them get on with it.

Otherwise I watched “This Is England” on DVD over the weekend. It’s a pretty awesome film and captures quite a lot from the era fairly well. The kid that plays the lead character is amazing. It turns out that he had never acted before and wanted a fiver just for turning up for the audition. Nice to see the scally is alive and well.


We also had a presentation from the new CEO at work the other day. It was fairly standard stuff, the company is doing ok although a lot of shit still needs sorting regarding our integration at with the bank before we can operate as a coherent unit and not miss out.

I have no plans this week. Due to social arrangements I might have to give the West Ham vs. Liverpool game a miss next Saturday. Thursday her indoors has said she might be out for the night which clearly means donkamenting.

Friday, 4 September 2009

Stop Press - A Win!

Warning: upbeat post in progress. Look away now if you are expecting any of my usual whiny shit.

Her indoors was out on Wednesday so I decided to opt in for some donkamenting. After a recent slump I’ve decided to move down in limits and primarily stick to the below $100 buy ins, with the odd $163 thrown in.

Anyway, I shipped the $20r on Party for $2.8k, which was a welcome boost to morale. I came into the final table around 4/10, but with the Party structure this doesn’t really mean a lot. I then snap called a reshove with JJ when my opponent had KK, flopped quad jacks, and, in the words of Francis Begbie “after that, well, the game was mine.” Basically I had a pretty big chip lead at this point and proceeded to abuse the fuck out of people in the remaining shovefest as people are calling way too tight in these situations and simply trying to move up the pay ladder.
I also managed a creditable 17th in the $20 1r 1a on Stars. I was short and pretty card dead for the last 50 hands and busted shoving 55 over a limper’s KJ, who snap called. I played a little HU cash last night and have felt a lot more comfortable with my game of late.

It is international week on the football side this weekend, so I shall be hoping that the West Ham players involved come through unscathed. On deadline day we sold James Collins (for a pretty decent price) and addressed the striker shortage by signing, er, nobody, and coming out with some waffle about how a deal didn’t come off. I await the arrival of Mark Viduka, who is out of contract. Our accounts were (finally) released for the previous financial year and showed an enormous loss – congratulations to the Icelanders here, your reign was an utter fuck up.

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Crap on your desk, dawg

I played a bunch of tournaments this weekend, with limited success. I managed a couple of min-cashes on Friday and Saturday night. On Sunday I won a small (60 man) $40 buy in on Party for $888. Not a reason to pop out the champagne corks but better than a kick in the nuts. At the same time I was in this I was down to the last two tables of the Stars $33/$10k guaranteed. With 14 players left I got all in with KK for the chip lead – unfortunately my opponent had AA and I failed to improve. Clearly Stars can suck my hairy nutsack – I felt I played pretty well all weekend and I could have done without the standard Poker Stars ass-fucking that I get every time I log on there and am seriously tempted to go to the Isle of Man and lay a steaming turd on the CEO’s desk as a token of my appreciation.

Heads-Up has been bad. I pretty much suck and need to do some work on my game, big time.

West Ham drew away at Blackburn this weekend. Tuesday against Millwall was a lot more exciting – massively over-hyped by the press and hugely under-policed. The last few times we have played them there have been more police than fucking supporters and it has passed off without much trouble. This time the police were utterly unprepared and outnumbered.

I’m not condoning what happened, but am pissed off at the media coverage. The things that need addressing are:
1) The two sets of people hate each other – like many other clans and tribes do across the world. You’ll never change it – accept it.
2) If there was a riot at Notting Hill Carnival people would (rightly) look at the police. Nobody would dare suggest banning the Carnival, we’re just too PC. And there are lots of stabbings etc. every year at the Carnival (I pick this as an example as it happened this weekend and I know a copper that used to work on it) – the statistics simply get massaged so that certain incidents aren’t attributed to the Carnival, when they blatantly are.
3) Millwall were not blameless in all of this – unless I imagined them launching plastics seats from their end and also imagined the monkey noises made at Carlton Cole.
4) The pitch invasions were just that. Nothing more. There was a pitch invasion at the Palace vs Man City game, which wasn’t front page news.
5) The press described it as “the worst violence in 30 years”. It wasn’t even the worst in the last year. I could go on all day about the various lies reported by the press but I can’t be bothered.

Next week is International week so should be quiet. It is the transfer deadline day today – we have brought in an Italian mentalist with tattoos and wild hair (Brescia) and some reserve defender from Fiorentina, shipped out Savio and look to be moving James Collins on to Villa. We could do with another forward as well but I dare say we won’t be getting one.
Adios, bishes.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

It's Worse Than That, He's Shit Jim

Disclaimer: I don’t like Star Trek, despite the quote.

I haven’t played a bunch over the last week but I had my second lesson last night. Basically, I suck much harder than I thought. This isn’t a problem, I’d rather find this out now. The lesson was pretty cool, Aero explains things really well – he made a point about three betting which was so blatantly obvious that it seems retarded that I didn’t notice it before. Anyway, efforts must be redoubled and I basically need to work a lot harder.

I haven’t played many (virtually any, in fact) tournaments of late. I was reading through a sweat thread for a guy that is on an absurd heater who was deep in an Omaha tournament. As one guy commented in the thread:

There is no such thing as an awful Omaha high play....its either....

OMG I GOTS COOLERDZ!!!

or

OMG I MISSED MY OUTS!!!!

This is true IMO. ;)

West Ham were a bit unlucky to lose to Spurs on Sunday. We fucked up for both goals but matched them pretty well over the pitch and scored an absolute screamer to take the lead. Still, fuck them, Cole gave King and Bassong (who didn’t look all that) a pretty tough afternoon and given the resources we had available I was pretty happy with the performance. Clattenburg, without actually influencing the result, looked (like most referees) a man completely out of his depth and should probably be demoted forthwith.

A couple of really fucked-up things happened at the club this week. Jack Collison’s dad dying on the way to the Spurs game was pretty nasty, but the situation with Calum Davenport was really horrible. The Guardian has what appears to be a fairly factual version of events here, I’ll leave the moralising to the forums, which do this in a far more hysterical and entertaining fashion than I ever could.

Anyway, with the warm-up against Spurs over with, the more serious matter of the game against Millwall is this evening. We haven’t beaten them since the early 90’s and they are massive cunts, so we deserve a result. I can only imagine we’ll rest a few although I can only imagine that Cole will play as we can’t really go into this game with a couple of spotty kids up front.

Anyway, good luck at the tables.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

A Jelly Doughnut?




After weeks of messing about I’ve finally pulled the trigger and got a coach for HUNL. I’ve messed about long enough and looked at a few options and probably should have done it long ago, although I’m glad that I took the time selecting someone that I thought was right for me. I had my first lesson last night and would summarise as follows:
1) I have got the right person coaching me. He comes across as smart individual and a cool guy and an easy person to get along with and his methods are somewhat more subtle than those of Sgt Hartman, pictured above.
2) It went a lot better than I could have hoped - I learnt a lot, and also learnt that I’m quite bad.
3) He explains himself really well and has a clear thought process. His approach to the game is exactly what I need. He is also patient and managed to go throughout the whole session without saying “this is the most standard spot ever and you’ve managed to fuck it up, you don’t need coaching, you need a lobotomy”.
4) His coaching is more than just “you give me $100 and you get an hour of my time”. He has a genuine interest in his students doing well.

His name is Aero1441 (although his parents chose the somewhat more orthodox name of Erwin) and can be contact via 2+2, where he does a lot of excellent work on the forums. He’s a Dutch guy and everything went so well that I managed to avoid mentioning Ronald Koeman’s cynical shirt-tug on David Platt during our session. He also has the dubious honour of me linking up his blog to here, which may reduce his street cred by several notches.

He’s also going to ship me $500 for the positive review that I have just given, although this may be something of a waste as nobody ever reads this. Joke, obv.

Otherwise the poker hasn’t really gone well. I’m still running badly/playing worse, which is bad for me but good for the community. On the plus side, Wonderflop (Wayne) is doing pretty well having moved up to $100NL. I’m pleased for him as he has had a bit of a rough year in various ways and hopefully has sorted his game out and will be on the up and up from here.

I don’t really have a lot else going on. I might be going to buy a car this weekend. I’m not looking forward to it as I know nothing about cars, which is probably understandable given that I have never owned one. Given the situation with my parents I really need to have one now, so I’m going to have to bite the bullet and hand over the money. We’re also looking at buying the freehold for our block of flats, which is even more boring than buying a car, so I’ll stop there.

The Premiership kicked off last weekend. West Ham won 2-0 away at Wolves, which is a good way to start. Uncertainty continues regarding transfers but there is a strong rumour about us selling James Collins for £5m to Stoke. Whilst I like Collins for his attitude, he makes a lot of mistakes and the price being mentioned is too good to turn down, providing the money is spent on a forward.

We take on Spurs on Sunday, who beat Liverpool very impressively on the opening day, and then extend yet more East End hospitality to Millwall in the Carling Cup on Tuesday. Some poor bastard on one of the West Ham forums is livid as he has caught swine flu and misses both games, and has sworn revenge on the guy that sneezed on him on the tube.

Monday, 10 August 2009

Wasps 1 Guests 0

I’ll summarise poker first and then move on. I played around 10 donkaments on Friday. I felt I played pretty well for the most part and had a pretty big stack in the 20 1r 1a on Stars before managing to run AA into JJ on a T hi flop where the guy binked a J on the river and then AA into 66 where the guy turned a straight. Being the calm, rational individual that I am, I was absolutely fucking livid having managed to lose with KK vs. KJ on a J hi flop in the 109 on Stars where I had tripled up early and was going well and only just refrained from a standard TCarnage doomswitch email to Stars. J

Anyway, enough of the positives. The HU has been going terribly. I haven’t played well, managed to run KK into AA twice yesterday and am suffering from tilt of Hellmuthian proportions. I have been in touch with a guy that I want to coach me so hopefully can get something going with him fairly soon.

TBH I hate writing lame stuff like I have above. The game is a tough one and if I don’t like it I can go and take up something else. All I can do is:
1) Be less of a pussy and quit fucking moaning like it hasn’t happened to anyone else ever.
2) Try and improve and iron out the (many) errors in my game.

Otherwise I was at a wedding on Saturday. The reception was at the Groom’s family home, which was an absolutely massive gaff outside Cambridge with gardens to boot. It was a pretty cool day, the only downer being Cambridge having the largest wasp population in the country, and they were angry cunts as well, and managed to sting multiple people. There was some sort of dual Vicar/Priest thing going on in the church (she’s Catholic, he’s C of E), it was probably the best crossover collaboration thing I’ve since Run DMC and Aerosmith decided to make a record together.

Given the way that I am pissing through poker funds I have strongly considered making a withdrawal. The longer life goes on I’ve decided I need a car, having never owned one before, so I might as well use some poker money to buy it. It should be a cheap one as I haven’t driven for over 15 years so probably will be a complete liability behind the wheel. Watch out pedestrians.

The football season kicks off next week. Surprisingly, nobody seems prepared to either loan or give us for free a striker of any repute, so we’ll all have to wish really hard that the one we have doesn’t get injured. We lost 1-0 to Napoli in our last friendly, but supposedly didn’t play that badly. More importantly the Napoli fans did what Italian fans are best at – attacked anyone that didn’t look like was up for a fight and they had outnumbered by at least five to one. A 15 year old kid got stabbed as well, which all seems fairly par for the course after the charming reception we got in Palermo. Hooliganism, the English disease, for sure.

The Charity Shield was reasonably entertaining, although I was less than pleased at the performance of Ben “he’s Manchester United’s reserve, therefore England’s number one” Foster. The Mancs played some lovely football at times and Nani looked good until he popped his shoulder out (alright, he looked like a 1980s Bronx pimp, but he played well).