Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Chistmas - A Time For Giving

Well it is on Ipoker. On the advice of a friend who works for a company that has an Ipoker skin, the £/€ tables are ridiculously soft, despite the fact that you get bum-raped for rake - so I took a stab at them. In just under 10,000 hands, nearly all at £50nl, due to some decent play, massive lucksacking and the generousity of some of my opponents, I am up approximately $2,000 in December. I'm fairly happy about this as I was really starting to question just how shit I was - so many thanks to Tommy Angelo for making me less of a tiltbox and Aero for making me less bad at heads-up poker.

I haven't run well in donkaments, although my horse has done the biz by clearing $4.5k of make-up and delivering a solid profit after a nice score. I also won a silly Full Tilt PLHE tournament earlier today for $1.1k which covered some over my other losses during the holiday period.

I doubt I'll play much more bar a little heads-up before 2010 begins. I have some administrative shit to do and the New Year begins with a hangover, followed by a wedding on the 2nd of January and then West Ham vs. Arsenal in the FA Cup on the 3rd, where we will have a spotty 17 year old up front and endure almost certain defeat to the French cheats. After that we'll sell most of our best players and prepare ourselves for a game with Leeds in the Championship, which should please Asterix.

I haven't got much else to add - although if you have a little time I recommend the recent posts in "Clarkatroid is not folding" - link on the right. His last post of 2009 in particular was superb and well worth a read.

I was sat thinkig about this time last year - when I went to bed on New Year's Eve my Dad was scheduled to have a massive operation to remove cancer from his neck. He was crapping himself as they were going to have to basically cut out two of the vertebrae in his neck to remove it. It turned out the cancer had gone too far for that so he spent the early part of 2009 receiving radiotherapy and chemotherapy. He has responded well and whilst he still has cancer, he looks a shite sight better than he could and the doctors are really pleased. I hope I look that good when I get to his age. The whole episode has put life into perspective and I have received a lot of support from many people, including readers of this blog - once again, thanks for all of this, it has meant a lot to me.

I hope all of you had a good Christmas. Best wishes for the New Year, may you spike 2 outers where you receive them and may a flaming grease bus run over anyone that berates you in the chat box. Good luck at the tables and I'll see you in 2010.

Monday, 14 December 2009


Yes, I got rolled. I had some problems signing in to my online banking on Friday. I thought nothing of it and tried again on Saturday, to encounter more problems. I phoned NatWest, who were fucking unhelpful and told me to call again the next day. After 20 minutes of bullshit from NatWest, I finally got through to their online fraud team. It turns out that some cunt had robbed £5k from my account on Friday. The guy put all the necessary blocks on my account and told me to call at 8:30 sharp on Monday to discuss recovering the money, which I did. By 9:15 they had told me I would have the money back in my account in two hours.

All of this is pretty scary. I’m not the most technologically savvy of individuals, but I’m better than many in this respect. It also happened when I was at work – I nearly always log in when I am at work for security reasons – so I need to have a word with the IT guys here. The NatWest online fraud team were first class to be fair – everyone else that I dealt with fell somewhere in between useless and unhelpful and did everything that they could have. It’s a jungle out there kids – be careful.

Pokerwise HU has gone well – I have logged 8 consecutive profitable sessions, putting me (excluding rakeback) back at even for the month. Donkaments last week were a disaster, and I cashed in precisely none of the ten or so that I played. My last day at work this year is Tuesday, so I am hoping to increase the pokerage from Wednesday onwards.

West Ham also got rolled up at Birmingham. By all accounts it was a pretty bad performance, despite Dyer hitting the post for us late on. We go to Bolton on Wednesday with me expecting to leave with the usual Kevin Davies-inflicted defeat and heading back to the Boleyn to play Chelsea on Sunday in shreds.

My Christmas shopping is now largely done, thank fuck. All I need to do now is wrap the stuff, which I am not looking forward to.

Good luck at the tables, I’ll probably try and prepare some standard end of year review entry.

Monday, 7 December 2009

Vomit Inducing

I’ve played a modest amount of HU over the last week or so. After playing half-pissed and dropping $130 to a mixture of coolers and my own bad play (and a lesson which hopefully I have learnt so I won’t play when half-cut again), I’ve recovered all of it and then some at the Ipoker £/€ tables, which are an awesome source of value, even if you do get ass-raped on the rake. The software has improved so that it now looks like it was made in around 1997 and I am reliably informed that they should be getting resizable tables in the next release, scheduled for January next year. You have to hand it to Ipoker, they make the Cereus network look cutting-edge in comparison.

Her indoors is due to be out all night tomorrow so I should be able to get in some donkaments for the first time in a while. Hopefully I can run like MI Turtle and win 70% of the tournaments that I enter.

A really weak Man Utd side thrashed West Ham on Saturday (they ended up with one recognised defender in the back four). They didn’t get out of first gear and won at a canter. I have serious concerns over some of the manager’s decisions (albeit that he is doing a job with half the tools and is probably the best man for it) – we keep chopping and changing our back four, surely somebody should have an idea what exactly our best back four is? We also left a clearly injured forward on the pitch for five minutes and the end of the first half, which caused us to concede the first goal – it was absolutely schoolboy and people around me were going mental before the goal went in about Zola not taking action and getting a sub on. I’m not sure what is going to happen but if we stay up it will be based on everyone around us being shit, and not us being good. Rob Green spent most of the second half throwing up on the pitch before being subbed off, I’m not sure if him being sick was a response to illness or the performance of the side as a defensive unit.

On the plus side, Spurs went 2-0 up against Everton, threw away a two goal lead and then missed a last minute penalty. I’m sure Redknapp was twitching like a good ‘un on the touchline when Little Arnold smacked that penalty straight at Howard. I was laughing so hard that I nearly shat myself and it made me forget a little about the defeat the previous day. The other highlight of the weekend was this incident – I’ve always thought Pulis was something of a twat and deserving of a slap.

We’ve had some good news at work which should hopefully help me out financially with the wedding coming up. Nothing is confirmed yet but this should all be ironed out over the next couple of weeks.

Good luck at the tables.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

On The Rebound

Like the filthy whore that I am, I found myself utterly unable to resist the lure of rakeback at Ipoker and returned to playing HU there ($50NL). This has gone surprisingly well, due to various things – mainly (1) the terrible standard of play (2) me having improved considerably and (3) me being about 3% of the tiltbox that I was previously thanks to Tommy Angelo. A reg that I simply could not beat previously (not due to running bad, simply because I couldn’t exploit how he was playing) sat with me at two tables – despite not playing many huge pots or flipping at all, I beat him out of two buy-ins – not that this is much of a guide to how well I have been playing, but I felt totally in control of the match for the majority of the time.

I’m hoping that the last two week or so of me playing in a more considered and less tilty fashion and being less results-oriented will continue. I was off work yesterday, recovering from a nasty stomach upset and managed 1700 hands for a $200 profit, which was good for morale.

There has been little else going on – West Ham beat Burnley 5-3 on Saturday. After an hour of devastating attacking football putting us 5-0 ahead, our failings were exposed (i.e. not having a right back) and we looked really shaking at the end. The pluses (Parker, Franco, our attacking football) were largely overshadowed by the negatives (defending, letting a team that we had crushed back into the game, Cole sustaining a nasty knee injury that will leave him out for at least a month).

The FA Cup provided a nice home tie against Arsenal. Sadly I am at a wedding that day so hopefully Sky will move the fixture to the Sunday, thereby inconveniencing everyone else except me. Leeds (Boooooo! Hissssssssss! etc.) will play Manchester United as long as they get past Kettering, which will be the usual warm friendly affair, I’m sure Asterix will be watching the game in Austria in a sedate fashion and not launching beer glasses at the TV whilst shouting “cunt” every time the camera pans to The Imperial Lord Ferg. We have those cunts at home next week (The Mancs, not Leeds, we’ll be playing them in the Championship next season though), although I hold out little hope for a result.

I fucking love FA Cup third round day, it is still my favourite day of the football calendar. This is amazing given how often my own side departs the competition at this stage. I remember as a young boy when we got knocked out by Torquay and John Lyall’s excuse was “it was a warm night for January” which was an absolute pearler, even that cunt Redknapp would struggle to top that one.

I’ll update later on plans for the stag, although I can’t imagine why you lot are so interested in me spending a weekend with a chin-mounted dildo super-glued to my face whilst being heavily intoxicated.

Good luck at the tables.